'Lost Boys: The Tribe' is a suck-monkey!

Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)

Director
P.J. Pesce

Writer
Hans Rodionoff

Cast
Tad Hilgenbrink, Angus Sutherland and Corey Feldman

I hold Lost Boys in very high regard even though it was helm by the same man who ruined the Batman franchise back in the late 90's, Joel Schumacher. It's one of those films I loved as a kid and it still holds up very well today. The performances were great, the cheesy 80's style gives it a fantastic nostalgic feel, the comedic elements worked well and the characters were compelling (c'mon, tweeners fighting vampires is awesome!)

I'll get this out of the way right now: my hopes weren't very high before watching this, but my hope raised a bit after during the opening scene. It was shot decent enough, the dialogue wasn't bad and the gore was adequate in amount and look. It just had the typical yet expected generic score and editing, but if a story is presented well enough it just doesn't matter.

After about 10-minutes after the opening scene it occurred to me that the film-makers gave up after that. The dialogue was so bad I was kind of squirming in my seat, not only that but the acting is atrocious! Did they just hire a bunch of young CW-rejects?

It's obvious that they are catering to the unmotivated and douchebagginess of The Real World audience. You know, the people who hump each other in hot tubs and have no other interest in discussing anything but their social lives? Yea, those people will probably love this shit. The vampire leader can't hold Keifer Sutherland's huge vampire mullet. He stumbles around with shades like a Jim Morrison wanna-be and mumbles in the same tone throughout. He's unmotivated... and that's like... cool 'n stuff. Instead of having a vampire group that look a little creepy or even intimidating, we have a bunch of douches who "punk'd" each other by impaling or disemboweling one another. Lame.

There are a few good things that are winks to fans of the original film. We get treated to a shirtless overweight guy with chains on his neck playing a saxophone. (Yea, some of you know who I'm talking about.) I also rather enjoyed Corey Feldman who seems to not have aged that much since the first film. He has a few good lines and is probably the only entertaining aspect of the dreck. It's too bad that they couldn't revolve story around him rather than some boring, cliched brother and sister.

On a similar not they are releasing a prequel to his film in the form of a comic book which will easily surpass the quality of this garbage.

Oh, and the main characters? Who cares? We get some sort of lame backstory and is pretty much the same set-up from the first film only not good. You have to love it when the brother is banging some vampire slut in a shower whom he met only minutes earlier before scolding his sister for going on a motorcycle ride with a guy he knew. I wonder if The Real World teaches that same lesson in double-standards to our current generation of bright young people.

Lost Boys: The Tribe is a rushed, shit-stained mess. It's mind-blowing to learn that Schumacher has been wanting to do a sequel for two decades, was turned down and WB decides to release this turd. As I said at the beginning, I wasn't looking for it to be great but maybe entertaining. This was an utter snore-fest. Unless you are a hardcore (I mean hardcore as in a having a tattoo of the "Two Coreys" on each ass cheek) Lost Boys fan, skip this. Now I need to watch Lost Boys again to hopefully swipe my memory clean from this childhood rape-age.

I'll add after the first part of the credits rolled a scene takes place that shows how they could've done a potentially cool sequel, but it feels like being flipped the bird by the creators. Thanks, jerk-offs.

2.0/10

'The Dark Knight' - Finally... My Most Anticipated Movie of the Decade Reviewed!

The Dark Knight (2008)

Director
Christopher Nolan

Writer
Christopher and Jonathon Nolan

Cast
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Cane and Morgan Freeman

Alright. Right now it's 5:15 A.M. and I'm tired as hell and I would love nothing else but to go to bed. But no, here I am sitting on my computer typing my review of my most anticipated movie of the decade because that's how damn loyal I am to it. I didn't update everyone on every little piece of news on 'The Dark Knight' just to blow-off this review. I'm sticking to my guns and staying up as late as it takes to publish this review.

"...and here we... GO!"

I drove an hour-and-a-half to another state just for 'The Dark Knight' IMAX experience. Not only that but I arrived there two-and-a-half hours early. Already seeing a line of people form made me a little nervous about getting a decent seat, but my wife and I decided to get a bite to eat. The line grew three-times as long by the time we were done, but luckily they opened the doors to the room and we got seats right in the middle!

Before I went into the room though there were of course people dressed up as The Joker, Batman, Joker's thugs and Poison Ivy. Only one costume really impressed me and it was one of Batman. When asked where they got the costume he replied that he bought it piece-by-piece and it added up to almost $2000! Someone asked "Wow! Are you rich?" and they answered "No... not at all."

We sat in the theater seats for a couple of hours just to secure our spots so obviously everyone was pretty bored. That's when a guy in a junky Batman outfit with electrical-tape wrapped around his neck was sending paper notes to various people dressed at the Joker trying to instigate a "fight." The Joker-clad guy looked at the note and laughed as the junky Batman stood there straight-faced.

Alright... I'm getting to the review now. Just a warning. I'm revealing MASSIVE SPOILERS so if you haven't seen the movie and don't want to know what happens then don't read any further. The only reason I'm doing this is because I think most of everyone has watched it by now that has any interest in reading this.

One thing I love about this series is the continuity. At the beginning we see Scarecrow causing trouble with a army of fake Batmen (taken from the graphic novel The Dark Knight Strikes Again.) Also, rather than having a new love interest in the sequel like the older series, Batman is still infatuated with his childhood sweetheart who happens to be seeing another man since Wayne seems he'll never give up his mantel as Batman.

The first part of the film was impressive even though I've already watched it about 20-times on my Batman Begins blu-ray disc. All I have to say, from the years of reading various Batman comics and stories... this is the definitive Joker. Everything you remember about Jack Nicholson should be washed away from your memory after sitting through five-minutes of Ledger's performance. He dances a fine line between prankster and homicidal maniac with superb balance. Every scene that he is in will entertain and creep-out which is exactly his purpose!

He is phenomenal.

He spins different stories of how he received his scars on his mouth. One was from an abusive father, the other was from himself trying to help his wife's depression. Of course we're not supposed to know his origin as he prefers his past to be "multiple choice" as he states in The Killing Joke.

He described himself perfectly. He's like a "dog chasing a car; once he catches it he doesn't know what else to do." Joker has no motivation and is only there to entertain himself. This is the essance of Joker and Batman's relationship. Neither one can kill the other or it'd just be like killing themselves. When Joker quotes Jerry Maguire's "You complete me." to Batman, it's not just for laughs; it's the truth!

That's why I love the fact that Joker lives through Batman saving him. In Batman Begins he leaves Ra's Al Ghul to his death which is very uncharacteristic of him and he has learned from it. Joker almost met the same demise as Nicholson from Batman '89 but this movie actually captures the true Batman.

This movie also deals with another major character and a much more sympathetic one: Harvey "Two-Face" Dent. Batman see's Dent as the man who will take over his job and he can live the rest of his life as Bruce Wayne in peace, but Joker proves everyone is able to be corrupted. He's a very charasmatic District Attorney who is dedicated to bringing down crime in Gotham and through Eckhart's performance you feel his drive and desire to change things which makes things all the more tragic.

This is one of my only problems with the film; his turn as Two-Face didn't flow very well for me. After an interesting speech from Joker he decides to go on a kill-crazy revenge plot, but this is a simple squabble on my part. His make-up/CGI burn effects were astonishing yet supremely grotesque especially for a PG-13 film. Hell, that leaked concept art I posted a while back was tame compared to the actual face.

Batman, yes Batman... it is his movie after all (although I think Oldman and Eckhart had as much screentime as Bale, if not more!) He shows his persistance while also showing that he is still human, like when he stitching up his wound after a dog bit him. Wayne's desire to give up the Batman-gig is a profound concept that was never explored in the original series and it makes a lot of sense. His thought process while becoming Batman was probably not intended to be long-term and he's learned in The Dark Knight that will may be never-ending.

As the final scene of Batman Begins hints of escalation, it now seems out of control. Once Batman takes up his mantal as The Dark Knight then he gives birth to his rogue villian such as Joker and Two-Face. They are willing to take equal extremes in un-doing everything Batman as ever done. This is a recurring theme that's in the comic series which adds a certain depth to it. In the end nobody wins.

Oldman as James Gordon is like it was in Batman Begins... he IS Gordon! I was shocked to see that Gordon "died" in the assassination attempt, but once he came back, held a shotgun to the back of Joker's head and arrested him, everyone in the theater errupted in APPLAUSE! Once of the coolest theater experiences in my life.

If Nolan returns for a third film, which I pray to God that he will, it'll be interesting to see where he goes from here. Last I read was that both Joker and Two-Face were going to live and Two-Face would be the central villian in the third film. Now since Ledger has passed and the Two-Face character has died the next film will be unpredictable. Although I feel Ledger is the definitive Joker, the character will need to be recurring since it's already established that he will be in The Dark Knight. I have nothing but the upmost respect for Ledger's performance and would love nothing more than to see him take the role again, but from a realistic stand-point I would like to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt be cast in the film. First off he's a very talented young actor, he looks a lot like Ledger and he's actually worked with Ledger before. I feel it would be a seamless, yet respectful casting.

That last action piece was spectacular! Batman taking out henchmen AND S.W.A.T. team members! Holy shit! I also loved the touch with the Sonar technology on this particular scene; Batman with his trademark white-eyes? Hellz yeah!

Most of the action is real... yeah hard to believe a real building blowing up and real helicopters exploding, isn't it? Nolan is a film-maker with great taste and he knows subtle CGI is what works best. Everyone in Hollywood needs to take notice.

Everywhere heroes they are looked upon as protectors of evil, but once they make a mistake they are cast out quickly. As much good as people try to do it will never be satisfactory. But that's what heroes are, as Alfred Pennyworth said: "They endure."

This is such a great film and is definitely groundbreaking in the superhero genre. The Dark Knight is without a doubt the most faithful and best comic book adaption ever. Nothing feels better as a fan of Batman seeing the source material depicted on screen in a respectful and serious manner and it actually living up to the massive hype.

10/10

In Bruges (2008)

Director
Martin McDonagh

Writer
Martin McDonagh

Cast
Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes

If you have ever seen the hokey trailer to this, trust me, it doesn't do this film justice. Sure, it's a pretty funny flick... well, actually it's pretty damn hilarious most of the time but I would label it as a "dramedy."

What's a "dramedy?" It's a comedy-drama, Sherlock.

The film centers around two hitmen, one is a newcomer (Farrell) and the other is a veteran (Gleeson) and they are sent to Bruges, Belgium for unknown reasons by their boss Frank (Fiennes.)

As I said before this is a dramedy. Along with it's humorously quirky dialogue it also has a very serious, and sometimes tragic side to it. Farell's character makes a tragic mistake on his first hit and is seriously depressed, even on the verge of suicide. His partner, Gleeson, tries to pull him out of his misery as he awaits instructions from his boss Frank.

Although that is a very serious tone to the film there are comedy elements to it. Gleeson's character, who can appreciate the fine culture in the city of Bruges yet his young partner feels that only if you "lived on a farm and was retarded" you might appreciate the city.

Gleeson, who has starred in 28 Days Later and Troy. is great as always and this might be Farrell's best performance yet aside from Tigerland. But the highlight of the film for me was Fiennes peformance as Frank. Anything that comes from his mouth is histerical. This is a man who calls his wife a "inanimate fucking object" yet later tells her that she's not an inanimate object. I actually think his performance should be seriously considered for nomination.

This film is as politically incorrect as they get. They pull no punches, especially though dialogue. Take a look at this:

Ken: "We shall strike a balance between culture and fun."

Ray: "Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite...a dwarf."

I just decided to write this review to tell everyone how great of a film this is. Probably the best of the year so far and unfortunately it might be overlooked once Oscar-time rolls around. It's a well-written and beautifully shot film that should be watched. If you like crime-dramas, comedies or anything in the same vain as Pulp Fiction then definintely check it out.

10/10

Wall-E - Best Science-Fiction Film of the Decade... So Far...

Wall-E (2008)

Director
Andrew Stanton

Writer
Andrew Stanton & Jim Capobianco

Cast
Voices of Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin and Sigourney Weaver

Wall-E as been hyped for some time and I've been hyping it in my own head. After a string of some-what less-than-stellar films from Pixar, which I mean not totally flawless, I was really wanting something that captured me like The Incredibles and Toy Story. Yea, I guess Ratatouille, Cars and Finding Nemo just didn't go that far for me although I find the among the best animated features from their respective years.

I won't waste time with a synopsis as everyone and their dogs alread knows what it's about. A fish-out-of-water tales of a lonely robot in the ruins of what used to be Earth and in the mean time shows humans how to live again.

The only complain I've been hearing from the movie is that the "message" was overbearing. Sure, it doesn't hide it but I would never call it overbearing. First off, it's a family film so they are not going to hide meaningful messages for people to discover on multiple veiwings. This is what irks me about movie-buffs; sure it's nice to have those films in which you discover meanings yourself, but not every film has that nor should it. Secondly, compared to some family films the message in Wall-E is much more subtle which isn't saying much.

Wall-E's execution is fantastic. Pixar really captures the vastness of space and the animation is obviously superb but you really notice it in a film with very little dialogue. Good portions of the film play-out like a silent film which seems extremely ironic with the most advanced animation technology. Much of the film relies on physical comedy which made me chuckle quite a bit which rarely happens during animated family films.

I haven't seen Kung-Fu Panda, but it looks like a good animated film. One thing that bothers me though is that every voice actor is already a well-known and established star with a cast like Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman and Seth Rogan (enough with Seth Rogen already!) when in an animated film... it just doesn't matter. It can become distracting as you recognize their voices and just see the actor, not the character. Also, they dominate the world of film, do they really need to do the same in the world of animation?

Thankfully this isn't the case for Wall-E. Sure there isn't a whole lot of dialogue but atleast the main characters aren't voiced by hot property actors such as Jonah Hill but by uknowns. I didn't even know who the voices were before I checked for this review. I noticed Jeff Garlin from Curb Your Enthusiasm and a nice little nod to sci-fi fans casting Sigourney Weaver who's well-known for her work in the original Alien franchise.

Not only is this a great family film this may be the greatest science-fiction film of the decade. There haven't been many released this decade that can compete with Wall-E. The Matrix sequel? Give me a break. Minority Report? Not even close. Star Wars? As much as I love them, hell nah. A.I.? Although I like it, still not even close. Maybe James Cameron's Avatar, which comes out in 2009 also starring Sigourney Weaver, will give Wall-E a run for it's money.

As of now, I feel this is Pixar's most amitious, intriguing and heart-felt effort and is destined to become a classic.

10/10